Black Los Angeles

THE BRIDGE: I'm A Girl Watcher

By Darryl James

I'm a girl watcher.

There I said it. I'm a girl watcher and nothing can stop me. In fact, I don't believe I could stop if I wanted to, because biologically, I was made this way. I feel something instinctive click inside me when a woman walks by with her bodily dimensions packaged specifically to capture the attention of the opposite sex.
I also feel my girl watching senses tingle when a woman is fully clothed, but beautiful and appealing in a tasteful manner. In either case, I try to be oh, so discreet.

It's in the softness that I can nearly feel while watching, but it's also in the way the body turns and moves when a woman walks that gets me. It's in the curves for sure, but it's also in the eyes, the lips, the cheeks, the hips and the stride that is different in each individual woman.
I'm a girl watcher and I watch women in humble appreciation of God's finest work.

Now, my girl watching skills are keen, but sometimes a woman's indiscreet exposure can make my own discretion fail.

My discretion must have been failing the other day when I heard a woman's voice come through too loud and too clear: "That's my daughter and she's only sixteen!"

Now, of course, my first reaction was embarrassment. But when I looked again at the "sixteen year old," I became a bit irritated myself.

This "sixteen year old" was no pigtail-wearing pixie, skipping through the mall in a frilly dress with biscuit-toed patent-leather shoes. This was a 5'8", 145 pound, healthily proportioned, buxom female with tight low-rise capri pants (with a pink thong and butt cleavage peeking out), four-inch pumps and a skimpy halter top pushing her breasts up. To be honest, even when she turned around, there was no way to know that she was a minor, other than the fact that her mother was verbally admonishing me.

When embarrassment gave way to irritation, I doled out my own brand of admonishment to the mother. My words for her were just as indignant. I wanted to know why she allowed her underage daughter to walk around in such revealing and overly sexual clothing. I explained to her that men's eyes don't check identification, and that no one can tell a female's age by looking at her. Finally, I admonished her that if she was going to allow her child to dress in such a manner, she had no right to be upset when men looks at her. After all, that is the result certain clothing is designed to achieve.

I am not yet a father, but if I were, I imagine that my daughter and I would argue on a regular basis, because I would be the clothing police. I already know what catches the eyes of men, so I know that those items do not belong on a minor. I also know that much of today's clothing is designed to reveal flesh, not age.

And it's not just underage girls who are immodest.

I've been in conversations with women who admonish me for looking in places I guess I am not supposed to look. You know the line: "My eyes are up here, not down there!" My position is: "If you don't want me to look, then why is it packaged like that?"

I already know that I will be branded a sexist pig by some, but I am compelled to tell the truth. I must speak for men everywhere who try to be discreet when confronted with tops and pants that are too tight, bellies that are strategically exposed, thongs, butt cleavage and tattoos peeking out from jeans that are worn far below the line of decency, and shirts (if you can call them that), squeezing too much and/or concealing too little.

I will never tolerate the excuse that men design clothing, because I know that is not the truth. There are plenty of female designers and besides, there are still some decent clothes on the market that were actually made for modest females.

In an effort to illustrate the insanity of this situation, just imagine that you are poor and starving and while walking past a butcher shop, you stare at the meat hanging and properly packaged to capture your attention, when the owner comes out screaming: "You are poor. That meat is not for you! Do not stare!"

Crazy, right? Even if the meat is not for my personal consumption, no one can be upset that I am looking if I am hungry.

Well, sexual attraction is as basic a biological function as hunger and thirst. It is difficult for a sexual, sentient human being to focus on a woman's mind, when everything else is packaged specifically to titillate and stimulate. That's not your mind bulging out of that tiny halter top.

That is not to say that a lack of respect is the order of the day. It's just that the female body is both a thing of beauty and a vessel for sexual pleasure and self-respect is the precursor of respect from others.

Some men would probably gawk and disrespect a woman even if she is fully clothed, but take it from a man who was raised with a healthy respect of womanhood--some of the clothing worn by today's women is downright distracting and even distasteful. To be honest, it's actually more interesting when there is less exposure and more left to the imagination.

But I can't help looking.

When selecting females to date, my focus has always been on the ones with more discretion in the attire they choose.

Ladies, we don't have to see all of your business to be interested. And we don't have to be interested to look at your business if it's all hanging out.

Take it from me. After all, I'm a girl watcher.

Here comes one now!

Are you a Girl Watcher and Ladies how do you feel about being watched? Let us know

Darryl James is a syndicated columnist and the author of "Bridging The Black Gender Gap," which is also the basis of a national seminar series. James was awarded the 2004 Non-fiction Award for his book on the Los Angeles Riots at the Seventh Annual Black History Month Book Fair and Conference in Chicago. He can be reached at djames@TheBlackGenderGap.com.




			THE BRIDGE: I'm A Girl Watcher By Darryl James I'm a girl watcher. There I said it. I'm a girl watcher and nothing can stop me. In fact, I don't believe I could stop if I wanted to, because biologically, I was made this way. I feel something instinctive click inside me when a woman walks by with her bodily dimensions packaged specifically to capture the attention of the opposite sex. I also feel my girl watching senses tingle when a woman is fully clothed, but beautiful and appealing in a tasteful manner. In either case, I try to be oh, so discreet. It's in the softness that I can nearly feel while watching, but it's also in the way the body turns and moves when a woman walks that gets me. It's in the curves for sure, but it's also in the eyes, the lips, the cheeks, the hips and the stride that is different in each individual woman. I'm a girl watcher and I watch women in humble appreciation of God's finest work. Now, my girl watching skills are keen, but sometimes a woman's indiscreet exposure can make my own discretion fail. My discretion must have been failing the other day when I heard a woman's voice come through too loud and too clear: "That's my daughter and she's only sixteen!" Now, of course, my first reaction was embarrassment. But when I looked again at the "sixteen year old," I became a bit irritated myself. This "sixteen year old" was no pigtail-wearing pixie, skipping through the mall in a frilly dress with biscuit-toed patent-leather shoes. This was a 5'8", 145 pound, healthily proportioned, buxom female with tight low-rise capri pants (with a pink thong and butt cleavage peeking out), four-inch pumps and a skimpy halter top pushing her breasts up. To be honest, even when she turned around, there was no way to know that she was a minor, other than the fact that her mother was verbally admonishing me. When embarrassment gave way to irritation, I doled out my own brand of admonishment to the mother. My words for her were just as indignant. I wanted to know why she allowed her underage daughter to walk around in such revealing and overly sexual clothing. I explained to her that men's eyes don't check identification, and that no one can tell a female's age by looking at her. Finally, I admonished her that if she was going to allow her child to dress in such a manner, she had no right to be upset when men looks at her. After all, that is the result certain clothing is designed to achieve. I am not yet a father, but if I were, I imagine that my daughter and I would argue on a regular basis, because I would be the clothing police. I already know what catches the eyes of men, so I know that those items do not belong on a minor. I also know that much of today's clothing is designed to reveal flesh, not age. And it's not just underage girls who are immodest. I've been in conversations with women who admonish me for looking in places I guess I am not supposed to look. You know the line: "My eyes are up here, not down there!" My position is: "If you don't want me to look, then why is it packaged like that?" I already know that I will be branded a sexist pig by some, but I am compelled to tell the truth. I must speak for men everywhere who try to be discreet when confronted with tops and pants that are too tight, bellies that are strategically exposed, thongs, butt cleavage and tattoos peeking out from jeans that are worn far below the line of decency, and shirts (if you can call them that), squeezing too much and/or concealing too little. I will never tolerate the excuse that men design clothing, because I know that is not the truth. There are plenty of female designers and besides, there are still some decent clothes on the market that were actually made for modest females. In an effort to illustrate the insanity of this situation, just imagine that you are poor and starving and while walking past a butcher shop, you stare at the meat hanging and properly packaged to capture your attention, when the owner comes out screaming: "You are poor. That meat is not for you! Do not stare!" Crazy, right? Even if the meat is not for my personal consumption, no one can be upset that I am looking if I am hungry. Well, sexual attraction is as basic a biological function as hunger and thirst. It is difficult for a sexual, sentient human being to focus on a woman's mind, when everything else is packaged specifically to titillate and stimulate. That's not your mind bulging out of that tiny halter top. That is not to say that a lack of respect is the order of the day. It's just that the female body is both a thing of beauty and a vessel for sexual pleasure and self-respect is the precursor of respect from others. Some men would probably gawk and disrespect a woman even if she is fully clothed, but take it from a man who was raised with a healthy respect of womanhood--some of the clothing worn by today's women is downright distracting and even distasteful. To be honest, it's actually more interesting when there is less exposure and more left to the imagination. But I can't help looking. When selecting females to date, my focus has always been on the ones with more discretion in the attire they choose. Ladies, we don't have to see all of your business to be interested. And we don't have to be interested to look at your business if it's all hanging out. Take it from me. After all, I'm a girl watcher. Here comes one now! Are you a Girl Watcher and Ladies how do you feel about being watched? Let us know Darryl James is a syndicated columnist and the author of "Bridging The Black Gender Gap," which is also the basis of a national seminar series. James was awarded the 2004 Non-fiction Award for his book on the Los Angeles Riots at the Seventh Annual Black History Month Book Fair and Conference in Chicago. He can be reached at djames@TheBlackGenderGap.com.