Black Los Angeles

THE BRIDGE: Sex & Sexism

By Darryl James

This column may come off as a bit angry. If it does, I won't apologize, because quite frankly, I am a bit angry.

I am angry with female sexists.

Yes, I said female sexists; women who are prejudiced against men, just for being men--women who view ALL men as dogs, cheats, liars and "allergic to marriage." I am fed up with the female sexists who imagine that only women are having a hard time finding what they want, because men are just not up to the task.

The reality is that there has been a breakdown in society and men are having the same problems in dating. It's just not as bad because there are more women than men to begin with.

As a Black man who loves Black women, I am urging Black women to be careful about embracing sexist thoughts and ideas, because some of the messages that are being passed off as "feminist" are damaging and irresponsible as well as erroneous. They are also sexist.

The intrinsic problem with female sexism is that it misrepresents how men think and why we do the things some of us do.

For example, female sexists claim that men who treat one woman in a certain manner are really doing it to all of the women in their family. That makes no sense. If a man has no respect for a specific woman, it is more likely that he simply does not respect that specific woman.

Now, it may be true that a man doesn't respect the women in his family, and as a result, can not respect other women, but to reverse it is tantamount to saying that women who sell their bodies to men for money really want to sell it to their fathers.

Misinterpretation of male behavior can be sexist.

Men are now rebelling against the attempt to label looking at a woman's body as sexist and disrespectful, because as men, we know what we are thinking and its not always disrespectful or sexist. We also reject the contradictory silliness, because we know that women look too. Women look at men who walk down the street, women go to male strip clubs and women like to see male beauty pageants, i.e. Mr. Universe.

Speaking of pageants, even the Miss America pageant has dropped the televising of the talent portion of the contest after ABC forced them to realize that it really is a beauty pageant. USA Today muses: "Maybe the subtext is that society no longer feels the need to rationalize its appreciation of the human form." Neither do I.

Female sexists also confuse the issue of rape, saying that looking at a woman in a sexual manner is tantamount to rape. They also say that rape has nothing to do with sex. They say it is all about power. This is ignorant, wrong and dangerous. Rape is a sexual act, no matter what is going on in a person's head. Even if a desire to dominate is present, the act is a sexual act.

This lie is dangerous because if a young woman is only looking for signs of a controlling person, she may miss the signs of a rapist. She may miss the signs of sexual aggression and lack of self control and so place herself in a dangerous situation.

Now, there is another kind of rape, which no one seems to want to talk about--the rape of young men by women. I¹m researching that now, and it is real.

The rape of men by women is hard for female sexists to accept, based on their view of men as sexual predators. Female sexists espouse that promiscuous men are sexual predators while promiscuous women are merely exercising their sexual freedom. Wrong is wrong and applies to both men and women.

Female sexists are also spreading misinformation about single parent homes. They spread the idea that there are single parent homes only because of the deadbeat men who get women pregnant and scamper away. The reality is that sometimes two people have sex, a child is born and a struggle ensues over child support, custody and a number of issues that are complicated, especially if the two parents can¹t get along.

Quite frankly, I have seen no study where Black fathers are saying that they decided to get a woman pregnant so that they could abandon them. If you only blame men, then that is sexist. Human nature is so much more complicated than that and not every single mother is an innocent victim.

The sexist view of this issue ignores the fact that some women actually choose to have a child and not involve the father. Some women also take each breath to prevent the father from seeing the child simply because the mother hates the father. Finally, there is birth control, abstinence and a myriad other options.

Some sexists are also racists, even though they are Black and female.

For example, some Black women are claiming that there are "more" Black men becoming secret homosexuals, knowingly infecting their wives and girlfriends with AIDS. This is hateful, wrong and dangerous. There are men AND women with dangerous behavior and safe sex and/or abstinence abates them all.

New propaganda from female sexists includes the notion that men are "intimidated" by women who are successful. The real problem with this silliness is that men don't say this about themselves. Women (and some weak, silly men) are being taught that men fear them, but in many cases, a man may be simply turned off by a focus on materialism, personal wealth as a measurement of humanity or a haughty attitude.

The things that are being said by female sexists appear to be empowering but they bring power from the wrong place and can not garner a good result.

I rage against the anti-Black man machine, especially when the cogs and wheels are Black females.

I had to denounce these things, not only for myself, but for men everywhere who are just sick and tired of hearing how we represent everything bad in the race, yet are simultaneously absent from everything good. That's sexist and hateful and it has to stop.

I'm not certain what female sexists expect with their negativity campaign. You won't change the minds of men, because we know what we feel and how we think. The only movement you stand to gain is more movement of the sexes from each other. If you are serious about bridging the gap and making things better for both sides, then come at us with open minds to learn how we think, listen and respect what we tell you and work with us to make things better.

I am weary of the negativity that has no purpose and after speaking to some of this world's mean and hateful female sexists, I feel dirty. However, after purging the crap you've left me with and after having refreshing conversations with Black women who still love Black men, I feel renewed.

Sexism is bad.

Female sexism is worse.




			THE BRIDGE: Sex & Sexism By Darryl James This column may come off as a bit angry. If it does, I won't apologize, because quite frankly, I am a bit angry. I am angry with female sexists. Yes, I said female sexists; women who are prejudiced against men, just for being men--women who view ALL men as dogs, cheats, liars and "allergic to marriage." I am fed up with the female sexists who imagine that only women are having a hard time finding what they want, because men are just not up to the task. The reality is that there has been a breakdown in society and men are having the same problems in dating. It's just not as bad because there are more women than men to begin with. As a Black man who loves Black women, I am urging Black women to be careful about embracing sexist thoughts and ideas, because some of the messages that are being passed off as "feminist" are damaging and irresponsible as well as erroneous. They are also sexist. The intrinsic problem with female sexism is that it misrepresents how men think and why we do the things some of us do. For example, female sexists claim that men who treat one woman in a certain manner are really doing it to all of the women in their family. That makes no sense. If a man has no respect for a specific woman, it is more likely that he simply does not respect that specific woman. Now, it may be true that a man doesn't respect the women in his family, and as a result, can not respect other women, but to reverse it is tantamount to saying that women who sell their bodies to men for money really want to sell it to their fathers. Misinterpretation of male behavior can be sexist. Men are now rebelling against the attempt to label looking at a woman's body as sexist and disrespectful, because as men, we know what we are thinking and its not always disrespectful or sexist. We also reject the contradictory silliness, because we know that women look too. Women look at men who walk down the street, women go to male strip clubs and women like to see male beauty pageants, i.e. Mr. Universe. Speaking of pageants, even the Miss America pageant has dropped the televising of the talent portion of the contest after ABC forced them to realize that it really is a beauty pageant. USA Today muses: "Maybe the subtext is that society no longer feels the need to rationalize its appreciation of the human form." Neither do I. Female sexists also confuse the issue of rape, saying that looking at a woman in a sexual manner is tantamount to rape. They also say that rape has nothing to do with sex. They say it is all about power. This is ignorant, wrong and dangerous. Rape is a sexual act, no matter what is going on in a person's head. Even if a desire to dominate is present, the act is a sexual act. This lie is dangerous because if a young woman is only looking for signs of a controlling person, she may miss the signs of a rapist. She may miss the signs of sexual aggression and lack of self control and so place herself in a dangerous situation. Now, there is another kind of rape, which no one seems to want to talk about--the rape of young men by women. I¹m researching that now, and it is real. The rape of men by women is hard for female sexists to accept, based on their view of men as sexual predators. Female sexists espouse that promiscuous men are sexual predators while promiscuous women are merely exercising their sexual freedom. Wrong is wrong and applies to both men and women. Female sexists are also spreading misinformation about single parent homes. They spread the idea that there are single parent homes only because of the deadbeat men who get women pregnant and scamper away. The reality is that sometimes two people have sex, a child is born and a struggle ensues over child support, custody and a number of issues that are complicated, especially if the two parents can¹t get along. Quite frankly, I have seen no study where Black fathers are saying that they decided to get a woman pregnant so that they could abandon them. If you only blame men, then that is sexist. Human nature is so much more complicated than that and not every single mother is an innocent victim. The sexist view of this issue ignores the fact that some women actually choose to have a child and not involve the father. Some women also take each breath to prevent the father from seeing the child simply because the mother hates the father. Finally, there is birth control, abstinence and a myriad other options. Some sexists are also racists, even though they are Black and female. For example, some Black women are claiming that there are "more" Black men becoming secret homosexuals, knowingly infecting their wives and girlfriends with AIDS. This is hateful, wrong and dangerous. There are men AND women with dangerous behavior and safe sex and/or abstinence abates them all. New propaganda from female sexists includes the notion that men are "intimidated" by women who are successful. The real problem with this silliness is that men don't say this about themselves. Women (and some weak, silly men) are being taught that men fear them, but in many cases, a man may be simply turned off by a focus on materialism, personal wealth as a measurement of humanity or a haughty attitude. The things that are being said by female sexists appear to be empowering but they bring power from the wrong place and can not garner a good result. I rage against the anti-Black man machine, especially when the cogs and wheels are Black females. I had to denounce these things, not only for myself, but for men everywhere who are just sick and tired of hearing how we represent everything bad in the race, yet are simultaneously absent from everything good. That's sexist and hateful and it has to stop. I'm not certain what female sexists expect with their negativity campaign. You won't change the minds of men, because we know what we feel and how we think. The only movement you stand to gain is more movement of the sexes from each other. If you are serious about bridging the gap and making things better for both sides, then come at us with open minds to learn how we think, listen and respect what we tell you and work with us to make things better. I am weary of the negativity that has no purpose and after speaking to some of this world's mean and hateful female sexists, I feel dirty. However, after purging the crap you've left me with and after having refreshing conversations with Black women who still love Black men, I feel renewed. Sexism is bad. Female sexism is worse. What do you think about this article? Click Here Darryl James launched the only Black owned rap music publication, Rap Sheet in 1992. He is the author of "Bridging The Black Gender Gap," which is also the basis of a national seminar series. James was awarded the 2004 Non-fiction Award for his book on the Los Angeles Riots at the Seventh Annual Black History Month Book Fair and Conference in Chicago. He can be reached at djames@TheBlackGenderGap.com.