THE BRIDGE:
Just Be A Man About It
By
Darryl James
I have been doing my best to defend Black men. I¹ve been
trying to make Black women aware that many decent brothers are out
here, ready to be found and ready to find them. Those things are true,
but there are some other things we need to talk about.
Brothers, we have to step up and be men more often, because the women
in our lives are paying attention. Let¹s talk.
I know how hard it is to find a real lady who actually appreciates
it when you hold the door open for her, but do it anyway. If she doesn¹t
appreciate it, then she¹s not a lady and she¹s not for you.
Just be a man about it and keep it moving, but let¹s still be
gentlemen.
Don¹t ever complain about Golddiggers if you have been fertile
digging ground. When you see the signs (and we ALL know the signs),
keep moving. Just be a man about it and tell her that you are not
the bank and no matter how cute she is, you won¹t be doling out
the loot for her company or for sex. That¹s what prostitutes
are for, but real men don¹t get down like that.
Don¹t ever get mad when a woman talks about unfaithful men if
you have cheated and weren¹t even suave enough to avoid being
caught. Women cheat, too, so don¹t say it¹s a man thing
or that all men need more than one woman. If you really believe that
you deserve and can handle more than one woman, be a man about it
and let her know. It¹s not cheating if you tell the truth, and
if you do it that way, you are really the man.
You see, the whole "king needs more than one woman" piece
only works if you keep home taken care of and never, ever get caught
slipping. Otherwise, it works to just kick it with one woman. A player
plays, but if you don¹t know the game, just be a man about it
and play one on one.
Don¹t ever place yourself in a position where a woman can say
that you forced her to have sex with you. If have ANY doubt, or if
she appears to be uncomfortable, just be a man about it. Stop and
leave. There is never a sexual encounter worth your freedom.
Be responsible and embrace safe sex. We already know that the lie
is being spread that Black women are only getting HIV from Black men,
but you can avoid that lie, other diseases and unwanted pregnancy
by embracing safe sex or celibacy. Yes, I said it‹celibacy. If
you are with a woman who is too eager to have unprotected sex, think
before you act. You really aren¹t that special, this is probably
how she is with every man. Those few moments of pleasure could garner
you a lifetime of misery, child support and custody battles.
And brothers, if a woman does get pregnant, just be a man about it.
If you think she¹s shady, take the DNA test. If you are not excluded,
then make your plans to be in that child¹s life, even if you
hate the woman you had sex with. Realize that she probably hates you,
too, but before it goes there, refer to the paragraph above.
Don¹t ever get caught up in fighting a woman. We already know
that Black men are perceived as abusive, so we don¹t need to
add to the stereotype by placing ourselves in bad situations. Yes,
we all know women who act like they like to fight--we call them "beat
freaks." But even if a woman postures like a man, it is never
cool to get in this kind of situation, because it can easily go south
and you can find yourself in handcuffs. You can¹t change this
kind of woman or keep the peace. She may be acting aggressively, but
if you hit her, you will be called a thug and go to jail. When the
situation begins to escalate, just be a man about it and LEAVE.
And speaking of that thug garbage, real men don¹t keep it thuggish.
Boys do. Men are men and thugs are thugs. Any questions? Any woman
who says she wants a man with a little thug in him is not looking
for a real man, she¹s looking for someone to beat her and abuse
her. That¹s what thugs do. Just be a man about it and step away
from her, so that she can find a thug to beat her and rob her.
Women have no business defining men as thugs and men have no business
allowing women to define them as anything. No matter what those magazines
say about us, we have to define ourselves and be men about rising
to that definition. We have to begin talking to each other about what
we should be and move forward with that program.
For all the talk about angry, bitter women, there are also men who
become angry and bitter after having a series of painful experiences
that are unresolved. I will say the same thing to men that I say to
women: Let it go.
And, this one is perhaps the most important of all: Don¹t ever
say anything to a woman who thinks poorly of Black men unless you
already know that you have done your best to be a man.
Are you a father to your children? Are you a good example to the females
in your family? Are you available to your brothers and friends when
they need you? Have you mentored a young Black man? How dare you say
anything about the state of Black men unless you are being an upstanding
Black man yourself?
Don¹t talk about how bad "those folks in the hood"
are unless you show up and let them see how much of a man you are.
If you are afraid, admit it, and go with some brothers who aren¹t.
You don¹t have to be hardcore to care. You just have to show
up. If you spent more time studying than fighting, you are a soldier
and we need you.
And if the things I wrote here make you mad, just be a man about it
and deal with it. Take inventory of yourself and if you find things
that are not manly, delete, delete, delete.
That¹s what men do.
