Darryl James - The Black Gender Gap Black Los Angeles

The Bridge: The Conference

By Darryl James

A young lady from Chicago recently gave a name to a peculiar event among women that few men have been aware of. She calls it "The Conference."

The Conference may begin as something innocuous, like a circle of sisterfriends, but if it turns, it can have detrimental results. A group of women begin to share personal relationship experiences with each other, when the sharing turns into advising and attacking--as in providing bad advice while attacking the relationship and the male in the relationship, who, by the way, is never present.

It's like an animalistic feeding frenzy, because when one woman exposes some of the bloody flesh in her relationship, she is fair game and open season will be declared on her mate.

Sometimes women don't even know they are at The Conference, because The Conference is stealth. It comes to them.

As a man, one might ask how I know about The Conference.

During my research for Bridging The Black Gender Gap, I not only spoke to more than ten thousand people, I also conducted discussion groups. Some of those discussion groups, if not moderated, would have turned into The Conference.

In addition, some of the women I interviewed reported having been either sucked into The Conference or having withdrawn their registration once the agenda became clear. Similar to the dark side of the force, many women resist The Conference, refusing to listen to negativity from a group of bitter people with a gang mentality, who converge on wounded lovers, delivering a new and twisted perspective on relationships and men.

The perspective garnered at The Conference is a convergence of pain, bitterness and unresolved issues, emerging from multiple sources converging into an angry groupthink mentality focused on the outside, while refusing to examine within.

Otherwise beautiful relationships have been murdered by The Conference.

Men are never invited to The Conference, except perhaps children and the weak and spineless. Typically, grounded women who focus on resolution do not attend either. In many cases, they are either not invited to The Conference, or they are chastised for walking away.

The Conference seeks to lay blame solely at the feet of men, and spreads the propaganda that any difficulties found in a relationship only occur because of a defective man. Men who stand against Conference propaganda hate women, according to The Conference organizers.

Another young lady from Los Angeles, who had been in denial that The Conference actually exists, finally attended one unwittingly. She went to a social gathering, and in the midst of socializing, The Conference convened around her. She sat and watched in utter disbelief as a simple conversation morphed into a veritable shark attack. One woman became bloody bait by venting frustration from her troubled relationship.

The Conference converged on the woman, asking her personal questions about her boyfriend, eventually using the information as ammunition, verbally demolishing a man they had never met.

They began to advise her, creating plans and plots to remedy troubles in a relationship they heard small portions about, but had not taken part in. This Conference did not consist of one or two comments, but the visceral attacking of one woman by a group of women, bashing her relationship and making her feel hopeless and foolish for being in it.

The best advice for women who wish to remain focused on relationships is to avoid attending The Conference, or to look for the nearest exit whenever it convenes.

For the women who wish to pretend that it doesn't exist, or that the "sisterfriend" groups are always positive, healthy and supportive, you need to realize that unless there is balance to the pain and fear, your "support group" can easily become a pit of hell at worst, or a nest of sharks at best. There is no good outcome once The Conference convenes.

Deny it if you wish, but I'm exposing this sick anti-therapeutic milieu so that more women will recognize it, and so that more men can identify a possible source of abrupt changes in their relationships.

I'm also laying it out for the plentiful women who refuse to be influenced by The Conference and also wish it to go away.

I'm certain that The Conference will convene to discuss this column and to pick me apart using flaws they are sure I have even though they don't know me.

When you attend The Conference, just know that the keynote speaker is the Devil himself. Hate me if you want to, but you already know I don't care, because I speak the truth and damn the devil.

Have you been to The Conference?




			The Bridge: The Conference By Darryl James A young lady from Chicago recently gave a name to a peculiar event among women that few men have been aware of. She calls it "The Conference." The Conference may begin as something innocuous, like a circle of sisterfriends, but if it turns, it can have detrimental results. A group of women begin to share personal relationship experiences with each other, when the sharing turns into advising and attacking--as in providing bad advice while attacking the relationship and the male in the relationship, who, by the way, is never present. It's like an animalistic feeding frenzy, because when one woman exposes some of the bloody flesh in her relationship, she is fair game and open season will be declared on her mate. Sometimes women don't even know they are at The Conference, because The Conference is stealth. It comes to them. As a man, one might ask how I know about The Conference. During my research for Bridging The Black Gender Gap, I not only spoke to more than ten thousand people, I also conducted discussion groups. Some of those discussion groups, if not moderated, would have turned into The Conference. In addition, some of the women I interviewed reported having been either sucked into The Conference or having withdrawn their registration once the agenda became clear. Similar to the dark side of the force, many women resist The Conference, refusing to listen to negativity from a group of bitter people with a gang mentality, who converge on wounded lovers, delivering a new and twisted perspective on relationships and men. The perspective garnered at The Conference is a convergence of pain, bitterness and unresolved issues, emerging from multiple sources converging into an angry groupthink mentality focused on the outside, while refusing to examine within. Otherwise beautiful relationships have been murdered by The Conference. Men are never invited to The Conference, except perhaps children and the weak and spineless. Typically, grounded women who focus on resolution do not attend either. In many cases, they are either not invited to The Conference, or they are chastised for walking away. The Conference seeks to lay blame solely at the feet of men, and spreads the propaganda that any difficulties found in a relationship only occur because of a defective man. Men who stand against Conference propaganda hate women, according to The Conference organizers. Another young lady from Los Angeles, who had been in denial that The Conference actually exists, finally attended one unwittingly. She went to a social gathering, and in the midst of socializing, The Conference convened around her. She sat and watched in utter disbelief as a simple conversation morphed into a veritable shark attack. One woman became bloody bait by venting frustration from her troubled relationship. The Conference converged on the woman, asking her personal questions about her boyfriend, eventually using the information as ammunition, verbally demolishing a man they had never met. They began to advise her, creating plans and plots to remedy troubles in a relationship they heard small portions about, but had not taken part in. This Conference did not consist of one or two comments, but the visceral attacking of one woman by a group of women, bashing her relationship and making her feel hopeless and foolish for being in it. The best advice for women who wish to remain focused on relationships is to avoid attending The Conference, or to look for the nearest exit whenever it convenes. For the women who wish to pretend that it doesn't exist, or that the "sisterfriend" groups are always positive, healthy and supportive, you need to realize that unless there is balance to the pain and fear, your "support group" can easily become a pit of hell at worst, or a nest of sharks at best. There is no good outcome once The Conference convenes. Deny it if you wish, but I'm exposing this sick anti-therapeutic milieu so that more women will recognize it, and so that more men can identify a possible source of abrupt changes in their relationships. I'm also laying it out for the plentiful women who refuse to be influenced by The Conference and also wish it to go away. I'm certain that The Conference will convene to discuss this column and to pick me apart using flaws they are sure I have even though they don't know me. When you attend The Conference, just know that the keynote speaker is the Devil himself. Hate me if you want to, but you already know I don't care, because I speak the truth and damn the devil. Have you been to The Conference? What do you think about this article? Click Here Darryl James is a syndicated columnist and the author of three books, including "Bridging The Black Gender Gap," a mini-book series on relationships, which is also the basis of his lectures and seminars. James was awarded the 2004 Non-fiction Award for his book on the Los Angeles Riots at the Seventh Annual Black History Month Book Fair and Conference in Chicago. Darryl can be reached at djames@TheBlackGenderGap.com., and back editions of this column can now be viewed at www.bridgecolumn.com.