The Bridge: A Thing of Balance
By
Darryl James
An
angry, sexist female asked me recently why I don't take Black men
to task for all the things they do that are horrible and wrong. Her
idea was that I single out Black women to criticize while ignoring
the failings of Black men. She suggested that I should balance things
out by criticizing Black men more often.
In addition to being wrong about my writing, the woman was wrong in
her approach and wrong in her thinking. In order for me to write plentiful
prose on the failings of Black men, I would have to first believe
in all the aspersions cast against our image in the public arena,
and I would also have to ignore the fact that Black men are already
put upon by nearly every group of people in this free society. As
a Black man, why would I capriciously add to that?
Moreover, I am actually taking Black men to task when I write critical
pieces about the elitists and classists within the Black community.
I don't specifically identify Black men, because they are joined in
elitism and classism by Black women.
It is a thing of immeasurable ugliness that the Black male image is
besieged to great proportions, yet we are supposed to join in and
rage against ourselves. Some sisters are even offended that we speak
of our issues with Black women, even though the air is loaded with
their complaints about Black men.
It is as American as apple pie to deride Black men, but let me say
it now: I will not participate in the decimation of the Black male
image.
Black men do not have such sophisticated vehicles as Essence and Oprah
to rage against our adversaries, lament our woes, or declare our power
and might-real or imagined. We have few arenas to discuss any of our
issues outside of politics and sports.
While so-called Black feminists rage against Black men for the oppression
we supposedly dole out, we are still the last to be hired and the
first to be fired; yet, we are the only group without a vehicle. There
is no Black man's movement, or even a masculinist movement at large
for us to take part in.
The movement we lead in the turbulent Sixties has now been rewritten
as oppressive, yet co-opted for everyone's retrospective use except
our own.
As noted author Ishmael Reed put it: "The groups…women and
gays have placed their oppression front and center and have even made
villains of the former Black male machos who fantasized a revolution
(while borrowing their strategies). These groups could even be accused
of trivializing the oppression of the white and Black underclass,
because once you propose that all women, including Queen Elizabeth,
or all gays…are oppressed, then everybody is oppressed, even
white males with Ph.D.s, whom the media would have us believe are
being set upon by a politically correct multiculturalism."
In addition, I believe that the fire and brimstone of the revolutions
in the Sixties served as a precursor to the new feminist movement,
which gained new life after embracing Black women.
Black feminists assert that they were oppressed by being left in the
backdrop of the revolutions of the Sixties, an era defined by violence
of white men and hatred of Black people, especially Black men. Revisionists
want us to swallow the notion that Black men stood up and forced Black
women to sit down. Was that about television coverage? I don't know,
but I ain't buying it. Black women were there, from Rosa Parks to
Fannie Lou Hamer, and from the throngs of Black women who organized
to the throngs of Black women who marched alongside Dr. King.
In my column, I discuss racism, sexism, elitism and a host of other
"isms." Often, my criticism turns to the evolving woman
of color when she embraces false slogans of empowerment ("I don't
need a man"), false labels of empowerment (Independent Woman)
and false tales about Black men ("Down Low," "beneath
their level," lazy, etc.), but I speak of far more than the failings
of Black women.
I have also taken Black men to task for specific failings (see "Just
Be A Man About It" www.bridgecolumn.com), but I am not willing
to diminish my own difficulties in favor of the difficulties of another
group-real or imagined-unless that group is directly tied to my own
immediate survival. That having been said, I would be willing to periodically
diminish my own difficulties in favor of Black women, but only when
certain circumstances exist.
I meant it when I said that if Black women create their own movement,
I would be the first man to step up and join, but today's Black women
must recognize and respect the plight of the Black man before forcing
their plight down our throats. Too many Black women scoff at the notion
of the Black man's challenges in today's society, yet want us to respect
and embrace their own, even when they are not mutually exclusive.
Black women have not cornered the market on pain. We are both in pain
and both in need of understanding. Once we stop comparing oppression
sets and just embrace each other, there won't be a battle of the oppressed
to see who is the most downtrodden.
It's a thing of balance. If you hear us, we will hear you and then
we can go about the business of making things better for us all.
I write on the subjects I choose because I know my voice is divergent,
even if everyone isn't intelligent enough to realize it. When I write
about the difficulties men have with women, I am not writing them
from some sexist point of view, I am writing these things out of love,
because I date Black women exclusively and because I love them singularly.
I am writing with recommendations, not with oppressive demands, nor
with detached condescension.
I write to create dialogue, even if filters of unresolved pain, hatred
and ignorance make it appear otherwise. If we disagree, there is no
reason to do it with hatred and venom, while still expecting respect.
Only love can breed love and respect. And my love for Black women
drives me to tell the truth, as opposed to spreading unsubstantiated
rumors and destructive myths.
I believe only God loves Black women more than I do.
But I also have to admit that I don't love them all. In fact, I deeply
dislike a few Black women, for one simple reason: I know they don't
like me, either.
All of us-men and women--will have to admit that there are those among
us--men and women-who do not like any of us. I recognize them, and
when they appear, I have no love to give to them.
I am not as beautiful as Jesus, Gandhi or King. I will turn no alternate
cheek, save for the cheek of my Black backside.
So, if my writing offends thee, pluck out both of your eyes and please
don't pluck out hate mail on your keyboard. See your doctor and have
him increase your dosage of Lithium.
That may be your only option for balance.
